Cold Dreamer
by Are-san
Summary: It's a little known fact that shinigami dream more vividly than humans do.


It's a little known fact that shinigami dream more vividly than humans do.

The thing is, a dream is an extension of one's soul, and therefore it is a pure embodiment of one's desires. Sometimes the exact meaning is difficult to interpret, but no matter the person, it is their dreams that reveal the most about them.

Because shinigami are souls in themselves, they are more in touch with themselves, and they dream more intensely.

This was something of a shock to our young Kurosaki Ichigo.

That first night, after regaining his true shinigami power at the hands of Urahara Kisuke, his dreams were frighteningly vivid. It started with the moment Kuchiki Byakuya pierced through him. There was that instant flash of pain, so quick that his brain couldn't comprehend it and he didn't understand what was happening. Then he was laying on the floor of some sort of cave, and Rukia was a few feet away, lighting a fire.

He was so cold, too cold to shiver, his whole body seemed to ache with that seeping chill that one gets only when they are in the deepest throes of hypothermia.

He opened his eyes to see Inoue Orihime's smiling face above him as she tucked a thick blanket over him, which marginally warmed his icy skin, along with the fire Rukia was coaxing to life.

Sado Yasutora and Ishida Uryu were standing behind the two women, and he could vaguely make out the outline of other friends, all crowded to one side of the apparently vast cave. His family was there as well, and all the forms he saw gave him enough warmth so that he no longer felt numb.

But without the numbness his body ached with hurt, the cold burning like flame, scorching along every nerve ending. He whimpered and closed his eyes tightly against the onslaught of pain, laying there alone, separate from all the others within the cave walls.

Then there was warmth beside him, and when he opened his eyes the heat was overwhelming. There was the redhead, Abarai Renji, kneeling beside him with a wolfish grin on his face. And suddenly the heat seemed to settle inside of Ichigo, and it radiated from him. He was warm, he was safe, and he was no longer alone.

-//-

Disconcerted as he was by the strange dream, he had more important things to focus on. He was training, he needed to get to Soul society and fight to get Rukia back, to save her. He didn't have time to contemplate his subconscious.

What little time he spent sleeping was usually passed out in a bloody heap, so he was no longer bothered by the strange dream. But after that ordeal, when he was relaxed enough to regain a normal sleep pattern, the dream returned.

Renji was no longer his enemy, so it didn't seem as strange to have him there, along with all his friends. But the dream kept changing.

Whereas Renji had only knelt beside him at first, he found himself warmed by Renji's hand on his shoulder in the second dream. Renji hadn't touched him before.

The third version of the dream came around a few months after that, and suddenly Renji wasn't kneeling, but he was laying beside Ichigo's prone body, close enough that the teen could feel hot breath on his cheek.

It was after that upsetting change that he decided to consult someone who might know of these things.

Shihouin Yoruichi was an understanding woman, a tease at times, but only good-naturedly so. She could see the boy's confusion, and knew that this was not something that many had to deal with. She explained how shinigami dream differently than humans, and that this recurring dream was likely a message from his own soul, telling him something important.

"These things are difficult to interpret." she told him. "Sometimes the most obvious things mean the exact opposite of what they are, and sometimes, it means exactly what it seems to." she sighed. "You have often been separate from other people, correct? You consider yourself to be on the outside."

Ichigo frowned, "I-I guess... I never really thought about it like that. But I suppose I do."

"That would be why you're on the floor, away from everyone. And why you're cold. You distance yourself from your emotions, try to be numb. But the love of your family and your friends takes away that numbness and forces you to feel the pain."

Ichigo nodded, that made a kind of abstract sense. Seeing that he understood, his mentor continued.

"I cannot say why Abarai is the one who warms you. It could be a simple feeling of brotherliness after fighting against and beside each other. He does seem to bring out more passionate emotions in you. Perhaps that is it. Maybe it means more. You said he was kneeling beside you, then he touched you?"

Ichigo nodded again, blushing slightly. He couldn't bring himself to tell her about how close Renji was to him in his most recent dream.

"So he seems to be getting closer, maybe a deeper relationship is developing between the two of you." she smiled reassuringly, "This is all just speculation. I cannot say for sure what your soul is trying to tell you, it'll be up to you to figure it out in the end."

He nodded and thanked her. She'd given him a lot to think about. He blushed deeper and cleared his throat.

"Would you mind, you know... Keeping this to yourself?"

-//-

When he slept that night he dreamed that Renji was leaning over him, and his long hair was hanging loose and down. It was like a curtain around their faces, blocking out the other people standing in the cave until it was just the two of them. Looking up into Renji's earnest face was a revelation all on its own. Those dark eyes were staring unblinkingly into his own, disconcertingly deep. He'd never noticed that dark burn of red in those eyes before, or how Renji's sharp features were softened by the silky red tresses. That hair would be girly on anyone else, but it only served to make Renji's intense features seem more sensitive. Strangely sweet.

Ichigo was starting to think that Yoruichi was wrong about it just being a brotherly feeling...

-//-

The dreams never stopped, continuing to develop more and more and more. Ichigo had become accustomed to looking up into Renji's face, night after night, to feeling the intimate atmosphere that choked the breath from him. He didn't know what it meant, so he just let it happen.

When the dream suddenly changed again, however, he couldn't remain calm.

Just like every night, Ichigo was gazing up into that face that seemed increasingly beautiful and interesting to him. He couldn't say these dreams were boring, despite how they repeated. But as he was studying the crisp black lines on Renji's forehead he was surprised by yet another development.

Renji closed his eyes, lips parted in a slight 'o' shape, his breath warm and steady on Ichigo's face. He leaned forward and met his lips with Ichigo's, kissing him, slowly and deeply, so sweet and tender it brought tears to Ichigo's eyes.

And, though Ichigo had never before moved in any of these dreams, he lifted his arms and pulled Renji closer, kissing back with every bit as much emotion as was given to him.

He awoke with heat pouring through his veins, eyes wide and breath heaving, like he'd just been caught in a kiss and was just now catching his breath. But when he looked around no one was there, no one to explain the throbbing ache between his legs, or to assure him that it all meant nothing.

Because it did mean something. And he knew what it was now.

-//-

"Renji? You spending the night here?"

"Yeah, Urahara-san 'n' those damn brats are gettin' on my last nerve with this "free loader" shit. I just need a break from 'em before I rip someone's head off." He grinned sheepishly. "That's alright, isn't it?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes, shrugging his shoulders in the classic "whatever" gesture. "Sure. Just stay out of the way and make sure my sisters don't see you."

Renji's grin just widened and he settled himself onto Ichigo's bed, instantly relaxing in a way that only Renji was capable of. That easy comfort was enviable, especially by Ichigo.

The dreams were intense, the simple kissing escalating, the obvious lust in his dreams was becoming a humiliation. What had started off tender was turning into an excuse to jerk off every night. EVERY night. Without fail. In the last dream he'd had Renji had stripped him naked and licked every inch of him. He could still feel that dreamy, rough tongue on his skin. The thought alone made him shudder, though he tried to hide it.

Having Renji here, at night... He could only hope that he dreamed quietly.

-//-

"Ichigo, Ichigo, wake up!"

_Not yet... It's getting to the good part. Don't wake me up, please. Just a little more..._

"Nngh..." Panting, hot, needy, Ichigo was hard and wanting and close to begging. "Renji..."

"Shit..." And that tongue was suddenly solid, suddenly wet, licking up the column of his neck and nibbling along the tendon.

"Yes. Fuck, more!" Ichigo's hands pressed eagerly onto the back of the other's head, and the feathery feel of Renji's hair was finally under his hands. The feel of teeth sinking into his neck was pure ecstasy.

He was awake, his eyes were open, but his dream was still there. It was under his hands, over his lips, murmuring in a husky voice so deep and needy. It was on top of him, pressing into him, grinding against him, satisfying every burning desire that it brought in its wake.

"Ichigo..." The dream said his name, and on its lips it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Renji..." He named the dream, now a reality, and the dream smiled a smile that angels would've envied.

Who needs words? Their mouths were too busy anyway, coming together in a crushing, sloppy kiss, mouths open and teeth clashing. Not so tender as the dream used to be. But this was so much better than a dream.

With Renji's hands crawling up his shirt, tearing it from him, Ichigo ended up gasping and moaning as he felt his chest rub against Renji's already bare, hot skin.

Grinding together at a fast pace, skin brushing skin, kissing so perfectly and painfully. This moment was so intense. It wasn't long before Ichigo was swept away by it all, crying out in a sob of broken pleasure. With Renji not far behind him, it was a wonder he didn't simply burn away from the heat under his skin.

They never stopped kissing, even through the aftershocks and spasms, even when their bodies were relaxed and they lay there, simply entwined. When their screaming lungs demanded air they parted, looking at one another with eyes that were clear and honest.

"Don't go." Ichigo whispered, grabbing Renji's hand and squeezing, despite the fact that Renji hadn't moved. "Stay and warm me up."

The small smile on Renji's face was the most awe-inspiring sight in Ichigo's mind. Too beautiful for words.

"But you're not cold." Came the soft reply, the laugh a sparkling, gorgeous light in the air.

"I know. And I never want to be cold again..."


End file.
